[00:00:00] Welcome to Move With Deb. I'm Deb your friendly neuroplastician. And this is a podcast that explores the relationship between the body and the mind from a health at every size, judgment, free perspective. I teach you how developing a new internal conversation based on curiosity, self friendship and simple neuro-plasticity techniques can rewire your bodymind out of pain and emotional overwhelm to help you build the rich full life that you want to live. Disclaimer, this is not a replacement for medical care.
[00:00:50] Hey everyone, it's Deb with the Move with Deb podcast and I just, I wanna keep going on with this concept about change, because change is really weird. It feels really weird, and I just had like a really weird experience and I. I feel compelled to share it. And so I'm trying to follow with that feeling of wanting to share. I'm trying to listen to that feeling and, um, kind of reward myself almost for having that feeling.
[00:01:25] So I'm sitting, currently sitting in my car, having gone to the airport, having almost gotten on a plane, and a whole bunch of things happen today. It's really funny. So I'm supposed to go visit my dad and I, yesterday was feeling pretty poorly. I knew some of it was stress, and just some like, I don't know, tummy stuff. There's just a lot going on and like a lot of things that are trying to all happen at the same time. And that for me is always a sign. Like it really triggers this feeling of overwhelm.
[00:02:08] And one of the things that was happening yesterday, it was the very last HypNovember, hypno zoom call and the topic was insomnia. And I'm so excited to share these techniques. And also I am nervous when I do it and I wanted to get it right and it was the last one and it felt a little high stakes. And you know, my body reflects that in me, you know, even if I'm cognitively thinking, well, it's no big deal. And like, it's been really fun to do this and it's just a practice. The part of me that's also holding that nervousness, the part of me that's expressing, Hey, I wanna get this right and I'm scared if I don't like, I'm scared maybe if I fuck it up, uh, that part of me was in my tummy.
[00:03:03] And, I was like paying kind of lovely attention and telling myself like no matter what happens, I am proud of you. You really committed to sharing this practice and practicing with people this month and for the most part, it was really spectacular and I am really, really proud of me, and that's one thing that I normally don't do is take time to slow down and to celebrate and to really notice I made that happen.
[00:03:40] I made the decision to create this thing called HypNovember and create a way to share this work and to practice it so it's very much alive in my own mind, in my own body. And one of the things that has been happening for me, because I've been teaching all month long, Been teaching people how to change their own brain and their own body through this process of active and engaged neuroplasticity. Throughout the month, I'm teaching pattern interrupts. I'm working with people on taking down anxiety from an eight to a one. We've been doing lovely, lovely trance work. I've been practicing this insomnia protocol a lot. So part of I think, why I also was feeling weird yesterday was I was tired because I kept hypnotizing myself to feel tired and that's kind of awkward to be tired and also alert. So I think that there's some of that was going on yesterday and there's some other work stuff that's tying up. And so there are a lot of moving pieces and I, you know, got it all done.
[00:04:55] Last night was so lovely. It was amazing to connect with the people who came to HypNovember. It was really fun to watch people fall asleep on Zoom. It was hilarious and great and I really felt like I taught that well. And I'm excited, about continuing to find ways to share ways of working with me and share the magic of hypnosis and to like help people understand what it is, and kind of why we're actually always in this state of heightened suggestibility and how we can use it for ourselves.
[00:05:34] And so I got up this morning, I finished packing. I did all the things. I drove the car to the airport and I was on time. I got through security. It was like everything flowed this morning and was just super easy. And then they delayed the flight, then they're, they were kind of like, we don't have a plane, sorry.
[00:05:57] And when they delayed the flight, they told people to get up and go over to this thing and get on line. And I was like, okay. And that kind of primed me in the way so I can kind of link this back to hypnosis, that primed me that there was something I needed to. To like make sure I could get on a plane. And then we got another notice that, oh no, the plane's not delayed until later. It's only delayed a little bit. So then I went back to the gate and I'm like, okay, so now I'm sitting and I'm resting.
[00:06:26] Then I got a notice that said the flight was canceled. And I was like, oh shoot, this flight is canceled. And I just know what kind of frenzy happens when a flight is canceled. Everybody who is on that plane is trying to rebook or needs to get on another flight, and my bottom line was I needed to be in Florida on Saturday to go hang out with my dad.
[00:06:53] And I have a bunch of work stuff tomorrow and so I, you know, there's only like these pockets of time in which I'm able to be on a plane and not be able to be talking to clients. So I had like planned and organize this one and it involved like maybe having to move a client. And then, uh, last night I looked at my phone and that client had rescheduled for tomorrow. And I was like, great. So actually that conflict moved itself away. And, and all of this will, will make sense as I keep talking through it.
[00:07:27] So I was just like, all right, I'm ready in my brain to take action. I was like, oh God, there's gonna be like a frenzy and then I'm not gonna be able to get on the plane and like, I the app told me that the flight was canceled. It did say like, oh, we're working on whatever, trying to figure it out, but like, I didn't believe that. . And then, you know, I clicked on Modify Flight and I looked at what my other options were and I saw that there was a flight tomorrow that I could get on that, like there was no charge.
[00:07:57] It was the same, you know, price or whatever. And I looked at my schedule and I was like, okay, I'll just do that. And then of course, uh, like almost literally the same moment that I hit change, they announced that the flight was not canceled. And they were like, this flight is not canceled, don't change anything. Well, and by that point it was too late.
[00:08:24] So then I got on another line and I talked to a person and they sent me someplace else and I was like, Hey, I changed my flight. Can I unchange it? And they were like, Go over there, stand on that line. So I went over there and I stood on that line, and I'm watching people be agitated.
[00:08:40] I'm watching myself get agitated. I'm watching myself be agitated at myself for being impatient. And I only think about that as being impatient because the flight was uncancelled. Had the flight actually been canceled, and I secured a seat tomorrow, I would've thought, Hey, I'm really smart. I'm really proactive. I know how to take action, decisive action, and get things done.
[00:09:11] So can you see like my taking that action, my personal view on it and myself would be different depending on what happened. And so I waited on that line and they were like, yeah, sorry. The ticket that you just had is gone now. And so now you're on this other flight. Sorry. See you. Bye.
[00:09:34] And I'm like, and I was like, it's your fault. You So said the flight was canceled. And they're like, well, it wasn't canceled. And I was like, well, maybe you shouldn't send out messages that say the flight was canceled. But like, I'm not gonna argue with the people working the desk. They do not have the power. They did not send me the message. And so, I just wish them a good day.
[00:09:56] And strangely enough, it's a very beautiful day today. The weather is very moderate and I had parked in long term parking and I was like, well, I guess really what I've done today is take a trip to the airport.
[00:10:07] So I noticed that I quickly relaxed. I noticed that I had wanted to keep this kind of self-judgment, recrimination, kind of like, oh, you're so impulsive. You, you don't listen, you don't wait. Like this narrative, like I kept noticing I wanted to beat myself up and it fell flat like over and over.
[00:10:32] It was just like meh no, we're not doing that. And I didn't have to pump myself up either. I didn't have to be like, oh, you know, you did your best and was okay. It just kind of was like super neutral. It just was like, this is what it is. You made some decisions. That's okay. Hey, would, do you wanna own your decision? That's the decision you made.
[00:10:56] And you know, maybe it's, it's easy because it's kind of not a high stakes thing. I mean, obviously. If it was more high stakes, I probably would've made a different decision, right? Like if I didn't live here, if I couldn't get in my car easily, if I couldn't just go home, all of that data, all of those kinds of bits of information that my nervous system and my brain are all assessing, that also would've influenced my decision.
[00:11:26] But in my head I was like, oh, this is, this is what we're doing. The most important part of this for me is how I feel about myself. I feel, I feel excited that I am so relaxed about this experience, and the irony is, had I not had this experience, I wouldn't be able to notice how relaxed I feel.
[00:11:51] How just like, yeah, you made a choice. That's okay. We make choices all the time. Sometimes they're awesome ones, sometimes they're less awesome ones. Sometimes they're like, oh, you know what? Maybe I wouldn't do that again. Right from this experience now, I have a little bit more data. Like when they say the flight is canceled, maybe they don't really mean that it's canceled. Or maybe, yeah. I should just take a pause. Take a few beats and then maybe the next time that would actually be the wrong thing to do. I have no idea, right? There's so much of this that is out of my control. At the end of the day, all I can do is control my own actions and also the way that I talk to myself, the way that I relate to myself having made decisions. And I think it's really the part that it's not the decision, it's who I am about myself being the decider of things in my life. And I think that there's so much richness in that space because sometimes what I see both in mind body work or just in coaching in general is there's this sense of helplessness when we don't always believe that we're allowed to decide things or when we have decided them.
[00:13:21] Or when we've done something and we have regret about it, we wanna move away from the decision that we had made. And a lot of relief can come from just acknowledging that that's what it was. You had made that decision.
[00:13:39] And where was I going with this? Oh, it was going somewhere. Oh, here's the other part, which is one of the things that also is slightly ironic is I didn't really wanna travel today. And I didn't feel like I could give myself permission to not make this be as long of a trip as possible to visit my Dad. I mean, ironically, actually, it was supposed to be on Tuesday, but my boiler broke and I changed it from Tuesday to Thursday.
[00:14:12] So it's also like, you know what? I deserve to tell myself the truth about this whole narrative anyway. That's a kindness to me. I had plans to leave on Tuesday, which I changed because I needed to be home because my plumber was here putting in a new boiler. And after not having had heat for two weeks, that was very essential for me to be here and be present.
[00:14:39] So I switched my flight to Thursday, which was kind of the next best day. But sliding into Thursday, having had kind of a, a stressful week, I noticed I kind of didn't really wanna go today. I wanted. Give myself a break. And I didn't. I chose to stay with my plan and you know, there's some stuff in there that I might want to look at, which is I sometimes think that my time is not mine, but it. It actually only can be mine. It is in fact only mine. This is only my body and only my life, and only my time. And how I use it is my choice. Even when I'm telling myself I don't have a choice. That in and of itself is still a choice. So there's some kind of juicy lesson in there, but I also just like, shit happens.
[00:15:43] You know, I could have gone to the bathroom and, I mean, some of it was that I went to the bathroom, then I got back to the gate, and then the gate didn't say the right thing anymore. So there was a lot of like fascinating relationship to confusion. And part of me is like, you know, human beings really do dislike confusion.
[00:16:02] I watch people get really nasty really quickly. And, you know, a little bit, including myself. I try very hard to not be rude to service people. And so, and especially when I'm watching somebody else be incredibly rude, I'm like, oh as much as possible, don't want to be that, don't want to do that. That's just not how I want to operate in the world. But I could tell that I was getting upset because I was felt confused and I didn't understand what was happening.
[00:16:32] And at one point, you know, I had people telling me I made the wrong choice. I said, it said canceled. And they were like, yes, but it's not. And I was like, well then we don't understand what this word means. Like we are not in agreement. And what I'm noticing is that is often a trigger for me, which is somebody telling me I'm wrong or having a certain level of confusion about things or not understanding somebody else's thought process. And I've, over the years, I've come to realize that is a me problem. Where I can notice that I shift into me at least feeling relaxed, being like, okay, well maybe I don't know what's going on, but in this moment, I'm actually safe. I'm fine. I don't have to know. Knowing is kind of this overrated sales job because even when we think we know there's so much going behind the scenes and inside the body and under the hood, there is a lot going on beyond our conscious awareness.
[00:17:41] For me, today would've been a good day to maybe relax and to like, I don't know what's gonna happen. But what I'm relaxing into is this, like noticing that I have a lot of self kindness, noticing that I'm not being mean to myself. I'm not beating myself up. I've decided actually to take myself on a little afternoon adventure to the beach.
[00:18:04] Just, I mean, it's cold, but I'm just gonna go like, look at the ocean and hang out a little bit. I, called a friend to make dinner plans cuz now I'm free and I'm just gonna enjoy this time. And I felt this pull to want to share this story because change is weird and I love this weird, I love this change.
[00:18:27] I love knowing that I can make these subtle and not subtle shifts in my own experience, like in my own human experience. And, both coaching and hypnosis have been the two most impactful tools for me on this, and especially hypnosis. It's definitely been a little bit of the secret sauce. because I think the relaxation part, taking out the effort, making it less effortful does something for me.
[00:19:03] I think it softens this story that like, I need to be different or I have to be better. You know, it's like, it softens this conscious trying to be someone. And it really lets me settle into like knowing that I am someone and just that I can. Like that breath just like came in and relaxed right outta me that I actually can change my own physiology.
[00:19:36] When I change my physiology, my mind changes, and when I change my mind, my physiology changes and I love this interplay between the mind and the body. Like I used to think of myself as a ruminator. I was consuming some wonderful education about O C D from one of my favorite mental health educators, Mark Freeman. He has got a great book called You Are Not Rock. And his work really, really helped me. And what I can say now is like, I don't ruminate all that much. When it happens, I'm like, oh, hey, hey, you thinky brain! There you are. You got a lot of words in there. It's nice to notice these shifts and see that I am changing and that change is possible.
[00:20:28] And that belief, that deep, deep belief also allows me to relax when I'm experiencing unpleasant thoughts or feelings or symptoms or experiences. Because one of the paradoxes of mind Body healing is when we are too focused on fixing. When we are too focused on the problem state, we get more of it.
[00:20:56] It becomes more in the center of our movie. Melissa, my teacher has this line that I love. And she pulled it from, Les Fehmi's work on the open focused brain. And she says, what is everything that you're not noticing when you're noticing that, right, or when you're noticing that what is everything you're not noticing really either way.
[00:21:22] It's kinda meant to be a little confusing. When you're noticing that what is everything you're not noticing or what is everything you are not noticing when you're noticing that? There's so much profound change that can happen when we soften our gaze, when we soften our focus, when we distract ourselves, but not the kind of distract ourselves when we're like just scrolling on. Facebook or social media. That's a kind of hypnosis, that's a kind of trance as well. But that kind of trance doesn't usually leave us feeling good. And it usually doesn't create the kind of change that we want to have. There's a specific kind of tempo or a specific framework to change. And that's what I utilize in my coaching work.
[00:22:16] And that's what I'm noticing is happening naturally to me. And I am really into it. A lot of ways, the best part is that what I actually feel like I'm changing into is just me. I'm changing into being more myself in a relaxed and loving and curious way, and I think that's what I've always wanted my whole life is to just be me.
[00:22:46] So that's my podcast for today. Thank you for listening. If you are interested and curious in, either pain reprocessing coaching or hybrid hypno coaching, working on things you're stuck, on working on phobias, working on just things you wanna change and feel better about in your life. Or, you know, if you like, are stuck, I know how it feels to get unstuck, so feel free to hop into my calendarly, there's a link in my bio on Instagram. And I'll post the link in the show notes, and I would love to chat with you about the process of working with me, and I hope that this podcast was helpful and enjoyable, and I look forward to sharing more with you.
[00:23:36] Thank you.